Sometimes you don't get it right the first time. It happens. For whatever reasons you end up marrying someone who is not good for you or good with you. At the end, you may have a couple of children who deserve all the love and attention you can shower on them during this tumultuous time. This makes me reflect on a wedding we did a few years ago with a young couple from bumpy first marriages...
The groom was in his mid thirties, pharmaceutical sales and put many miles on his company Saturn. The bride was also in her mid thirties, half way through nursing school at Cuesta College and was burning her coffee pot black due to studying. They met in the local hospital where he was selling drugs and she was handing out the drugs to patients! It was love at first sight over the hospital tray, bed pans and perfume of sterile cleaning chemicals in the air. Lots of coffee breaks in the hospital cafeteria to talk and discover their shared history of mistakes, new lives and new dreams.
The groom had a ten year old son from his first marriage with big chocolate brown eyes, a shy smile and a habit of looking at you from underneath his baseball cap. He was very quiet and when I questioned him about his new step mother, he would shyly smile and say, "she is very pretty." Sadly, his mother was out of the picture because her mind was focused on drugs and alcohol and not her son. It was very important that this new family was stable and loving so the little boy could finally have a real family...not a yelling, screaming, angry family.
On the day of the wedding, all was calm. The groom kept his son by his side and would often touch his shoulder for comfort and reassurance. The bride was gorgeous in her simple white suit and antique roses were pinned up in her hair. She wore the small pearl stud earrings her new "son" had given her as a wedding present and made a point of smiling at him when she reached the front of the church.
I remember turning my head and looking at the little boy and saw that he was crying. Big crocodile tears were streaming down his face. I rushed over to him, bent down on my knees and said in a whisper,
"Why are you crying? Are you okay? Does something hurt?"
As I handed him a Kleenex although he was already using his sleeve to wipe off his tears, he said very quietly,
"I am just so happy for my father. He is so happy. He loves my new mother."
I was floored. This little boy was only thinking of his father and his happiness.
I reached around him to give him the sweetest hug and whispered to him,
"They both love you because you are a very special little boy. They are lucky to have you as their son. Happy Wedding Day, sweetie."
p.s. They got married on Valentine's Day!
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