There's a Fire in my Gut

The burning sensation woke her up. She opened her eyes with a gasp. Her hands automatically started rubbing soothing motions on top of her abdomen, willing the burn to dissipate. She lay in bed quietly, afraid any motion might wake up her boyfriend. Mumbling in his sleep, she turned her head on the soft pillow to look at him. There was just enough moonlight to make out his features outlined by his silver curly hair. Strong Italian Romanesque nose, cheeks that always seemed to have a healthy bloom, lips that could kiss sweetly and under the closed lids, mossy green eyes that mirrored trust, honesty and love.

The burn came back swiftly, catching her off guard and her hands quickly responded with a faster paced rubbing. She remembered what she had been dreaming when the burn came over her. Later that day, she was going to have the annual discussion of marriage with her boyfriend. She had been having this talk for fourteen years with him and any thought of marriage made her gut burn as if she had swallowed gallons of acid. It was not marriage to him that made her panic, it was her first marriage, many painful years ago and the memories started replaying in her mind as she fell asleep again....

She was eighteen years old when she met her first husband at a New Years Eve party and he was fresh out of the Navy. She flirted but made it clear she was not going to fool around and he made up his mind to have her one way or another. Against the warnings of her parents who saw through his charming thin veneer, she married him and by six months later, knew she had made a terrible mistake. In one of their epic fights, he packed her suitcase, bundled up their five month old baby boy in their old Chevy and dropped them all off on her father's doorstep with a torn, crumpled $20 bill stuffed into the baby bag because that's "all she came with when he married her." Many failed reconciliations later, she had enough of the lies, affairs, and pitiful hand to mouth existence due to the fact alcoholism was not a paying job. She made one phone call to her father who never asked questions and picked up her and her three children and took them home for good.

Realizing it was up to her to provide for her family, she used the hard tested skills she possessed: money management, detailed cleaning abilities and lots of sweat equity in home and garden. This all parleyed into running a restaurant that morphed into running hotels, property management and restaurant businesses years later. She was a successful business woman but what about......

A snore wakes her up and she gently turns her boyfriend on his side and gives his back a gentle little pat.

"Love you," she whispers.

"Love you too," he automatically answers back.

As she closes her eyes again, her glance catches the pile of clothes her boyfriend had placed on her chintz slip covered chair in the corner. The delicate lace bras and panties are laying on the top like an explosion of candy wrappers. She smiles as she thinks of all the times her boyfriend will race her to get things done around the house: emptying the dishwasher, setting the table, grocery shopping, folding clothes, sweeping the floor, cleaning the toilet. She tried to think of one flaw or fault he had while laying in the dark and came up blank. She knew he was easy to get along with and her father loved him and included him in many fishing trips. As she drifted away in sleep, a sense of love and peace floated over her and settled in her heart.

"Good Morning Beautiful," were the words that awakened her in the morning. She opened her eyes into his mossy green ones full of love, happiness and hope.

"Good Morning Love," she easily answers with a smile and touch of her hand on his cheek.

"Will you marry me love?" came the annual question this time of year.

A moment of silence lays like a blanket over them in the bedroom. He lays there with the question between them and she waits for the stabbing burn to attack her like all the years before but there is nothing. Her eyes widen, her mouth pops open in shock that she feels fine. She feels totally, completely, no holds barred in love. In love with the man who has been patiently waiting for her to say "yes" for fourteen years but willing to go on loving her forever if needed.

"Yes," she barely gets out as she throws herself into his arms for a kiss to seal the deal! Catching his breath, her boyfriend reaches over to grab the phone and says,

"Let's call Pops. He has a bride to give away pronto!" 

She was married standing by the koi pond in the backyard of their house. Her father walked her down the grey flagstone path to the pond and when the Minister asked him,

"Who gives this woman away?"

He answered in his booming voice,

"I do and this is the LAST time."

It was an issue of trust that had held her frozen all those years and once she could let go and trust in love again, it was an easy decision in the end. After all, she was 68 and he was 70!!

The Polish Nanny

How does a young dark haired beauty from Poland meet a young dynamic man from Arroyo Grande, California? On the Internet of course! Yes, a person can find love on the Internet but there is a strategic method to the complex maze of surfing the Internet love sites.

Christopher, from Arroyo Grande, with a stable extended family, wanted to meet a woman who could live out of a duffel bag while travelling, could discuss philosophy and could survive and enjoy living with his forty family members. Marija, from Poland, a lone long standing survivor of divorced parents, wanted to meet a man who was college educated, had a job and solid career goals and was open to travel on a plane, train, bike, bus or donkey. After scrutinizing each others questions and answers for months, they began their Internet romance for a year and half. Words, images, photo's, video flew over cyberspace like a regular heart beat. Laughing at the latest Polish joke Christopher had sent, Marija knew it was time to meet in person on neutral territory.

Upon accepting a nanny position in London for a summer, Marija shot off an email to Christopher to come over the pond and visit her and play tourist together. He responded quickly by booking his plane ticket and then started worrying if all this money was for nothing...not for the girl he imagined, not for the relationship he was hoping and not for love. Being a history major in college, he regrouped his scattered thoughts and concluded that the trip would be at the very least, a glimpse into castles, old armor and the Elizabethan age of decadence.

Marija met Christopher at Heathrow's terminal gate (he was waving a little Polish flag) and by the time their underground tube ride had ended at Marble Arch, the words were flowing easy and comfortably. Having only a week together, they hit all the big history spots and because the butterflies of love were swarming, one night at the Dorchester....with tea, crumpets and a single pink rose served on a silver tray in the morning.

The night before Christopher was due to step on the plane back to California, he proposed to Marija in a little row boat floating along the Thames. She mumbled something in Polish which meant, "yes, oh yes, yes, of course yes"; and plans were sketched loosely for a wedding in America. 

Thousands of emails later, Marija arrived in California with her few possessions stuffed into bags and her heart full of hope and love in the future and Christopher. It seemed only months later, she was diagnosed with a liver disease and drugs were heavily pumped into her body. She continues to be on multiple medications and  is at the bottom of a long waiting list for a donor organ.

Marija and her "Krysztof" (Christopher in Polish) are still getting married. They truly understand that their future is not written yet and may end tragically. Their love has been tested by distance, language, time and the frailty of a human body. On their wedding day, as Christopher says his wedding vows, it will truly have a powerful and emotionally charged meaning for him:

I, Christopher, take you Marija, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

May prayers be sent up that this young couple can have a rich and long life together with their children and their children's children for many days to come. Amen.

The Son of the Groom

Sometimes you don't get it right the first time. It happens. For whatever reasons you end up marrying someone who is not good for you or good with you. At the end, you may have a couple of children who deserve all the love and attention you can shower on them during this tumultuous time. This makes me reflect on a wedding we did a few years ago with a young couple from bumpy first marriages...

The groom was in his mid thirties, pharmaceutical sales and put many miles on his company Saturn. The bride was also in her mid thirties, half way through nursing school at Cuesta College and was burning her coffee pot black due to studying. They met in the local hospital where he was selling drugs and she was handing out the drugs to patients! It was love at first sight over the hospital tray, bed pans and perfume of sterile cleaning chemicals in the air. Lots of coffee breaks in the hospital cafeteria to talk and discover their shared history of mistakes, new lives and new dreams. 

The groom had a ten year old son from his first marriage with big chocolate brown eyes, a shy smile and a habit of looking at you from underneath his baseball cap. He was very quiet and when I questioned him about his new step mother, he would shyly smile and say, "she is very pretty." Sadly, his mother was out of the picture because her mind was focused on drugs and alcohol and not her son. It was very important that this new family was stable and loving so the little boy could finally have a real family...not a yelling, screaming, angry family.

On the day of the wedding, all was calm. The groom kept his son by his side and would often touch his shoulder for comfort and reassurance. The bride was gorgeous in her simple white suit and antique roses were pinned up in her hair. She wore the small pearl stud earrings her new "son" had given her as a wedding present and made a point of smiling at him when she reached the front of the church.

I remember turning my head and looking at the little boy and saw that he was crying. Big crocodile tears were streaming down his face. I rushed over to him, bent down on my knees and said in a whisper,

"Why are you crying? Are you okay? Does something hurt?"

As I handed him a Kleenex although he was already using his sleeve to wipe off his tears, he said very quietly,

"I am just so happy for my father. He is so happy. He loves my new mother."

I was floored. This little boy was only thinking of his father and his happiness.

I reached around him to give him the sweetest hug and whispered to him,

"They both love you because you are a very special little boy. They are lucky to have you as their son. Happy Wedding Day, sweetie."

p.s. They got married on Valentine's Day!

A quote, advice and a wish

Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

Emily Bronte

Tip to Avoid a Wedding Day Disaster

Never try a new beauty product-or, God forbid, get a facial-on the day or the days leading up to your wedding. The last thing you need is a breakout or rash on face and throat! Stick to your normal routine and you'll glow like the angel you are.

Lizzie Nichols

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!

Get out there and celebrate love with your honey, family, and friends.

Love is in the air and we all need to take a deep breath!

   Lisa the Queen of Love

History of the Honeymoon

Going back to ancient times and the "grab-girl-go" method of weddings, there was bound to be a few upset families on both sides and abandoned husbands unhappy with the new living situations. The stolen bride would be secretly hidden away for many purposes; either the bride was not too thrilled with her new husband or the brides family was out hunting with crude knives dipped in poison guaranteed to rot off a few his body parts. The ex-husband would be missing the cooking, cleaning and whoopee of his old life and would try to track the new couple while the grooms family had no clue that tribal war was about to break out over their male relatives' lack of self control.

The man or "groom" would attempt to woo his new bride with fresh bison meat, a new saber tooth comb for her knotty hair and a nice flat rock for their bridal bed. Beautiful, artistic fires would be built at every meal to show his domination over fire and not so subtlety, over his new bride. The groom hoped that all his affections for his new woman would persuade her not to murder him in his sleep too.

The concept of hiding away has evolved into the honeymoon where the young couple disappear for parts unknown although they are both willing and equal partners. Maybe if the caveman had the Four Seasons Hotel to soothe the ruffled feathers of his stolen bride, it would have made a happier marriage. If not, having a deep tissue massage while plotting how to kick in your husband's teeth is a lot more enjoyable!

A Short History of Weddings

In ancient times, weddings were a little more casual than they are today. Rival tribes, in order to increase their population (and alleviate their boredom with hunting and gathering all the time), would regularly stage raids against one another, with the main objective of stealing women. It helped if you were not so physically blessed in looks because you just might get to hang around with your parents for a bit longer till the raiding party were really, really desperate for any women.

The raiding party is the equivalent of the present day groom and his groomsmen. Even though they are not wearing loincloths or bear skins, they can act "primitive" in language ( Whattt? no, yes, dunno), action (putting their gum on the pew) and total focus of drinking the "fire water" (beer) before and during the wedding. 

Sometimes the young women in question hear the news on the "grape vine" of the upcoming raiding party and put up a feeble fight. The women may have their own reasons for leaving their families and friends and want to try something new with a good looking guy from the neighboring tribe. Who knows, they may get stolen back in the next month anyways...why not have some fun?

Ancient weddings were pretty simple: grab a girl and run like heck home!

The Highlander and His American Rose

You never know who you will meet in Edinburgh, Scotland while waiting in a taxi line, late at night, flushed with a few beers, lingering smile on your face from the casual flirting and wisps of hair blowing in the cool Scottish mist. You could possibly meet your Highlander.

Isabella had two weeks left on her semester abroad for college and this was not in the curriculum. She had played the tourist well; Edinburgh castle, Hades Wall, Loch Ness Monster, Cashmere sweaters for everyone  and tested out all the pubs in a five mile radius. She was packing up to leave but could not pack her heart away in a suitcase, far, far away from Danny, her Highlander.

Danny knew the way of the land and had never stepped off Scottish soil.  He had startling blue eyes, wavy chestnut hair to the top of his collar and an accent that could melt any woman in hearing distance.  He knew standing in that taxi line that somehow he needed to "chat up" the beautiful, dark haired young woman. Her velvet brown eyes and American accent captured his attention further making conversation easy and following it up with two weeks together too short. Danny had become quite "attached" to Isabella, his American Rose; and they both realized saying goodbye was going to be difficult.

It became a global romance: two months in the Cayman Islands while he was working; six weeks in Seattle as she finished her college thesis; two weeks for college graduation wearing his kilt; three weeks in Spain wearing  her bikini and one huge waterfall for the proposal with a hundred tourists and a diamond ring.

The Highlander and his American Rose have flourished despite the distance, communication misfires and internet dead zones. We celebrated their love in grand Scottish style with kilts, bagpipes and draping them both in his families tartan at the Old Mission Church. Even though Isabella will wait for six weeks before she can join him due to immigration visa rules, we all know her heart and mind are on the Highland moors drenched in thick grey mist where Danny awaits her with a bouquet of purple heather.

Isn't love grand, laddie!