An Ad in the New York Times

If I were to run an ad in the New York Times, this is how it would read!

Job Description

Lisa Pimentel Johnson, the Queen of Love, is a leading interactive wedding coordinator based in San Luis Obispo, CA. I work with some of the world's most recognizable brides and grooms including families from all over the world and a few from space as well.

Me:

~Deep interactive expertise with extensive bride/groom experience.

~Fun, happy and spiritual background with a history of a successful marriage.

~Involved with small/large-scale weddings, saving the bridal couple from social faux pas, and dismantling each other before the wedding.

~Can cut through the crap and will tell you what you need to hear even though you don't want to hear it.

~Adept at coaxing, prodding and motivating with sugar the youngest of flower girls.

~Want to be in on couple meetings from the beginning and work through any floral, photographer, "OhmyGod, I Hate My Hair," or "What was my mother thinking?!" crisis'.

~Possess a solid shoulder to cry on and unlimited hugs.

~Hungry for exciting work with couples over the moon in love.

~If needed, will lock drunk grooms, screaming bridesmaids, nasty mothers and overly obnoxious fathers in the confessional during the wedding.

~Not responsible for lost camera's, lost virtues, lost dreams or lost minds at the church.

You:

~One of you needs to be baptized Catholic and willing to be married inside the church; not in the rose bushes, riding a wave, in the creek or up in the belfry.

~Full of enthusiasm to complete volumes of paperwork.

~Love each other with no exceptions, bribes or torture involved.

~Never call me at home, stalk me in the grocery store or grab me in the Communion line at Mass.

~I am responsible only for the day, the couple is responsible for the marriage...don't forget it!

You up for it?

Call me.